Morning Report: Lilacs Peak

The Joe Mac Lilac Line, planted last year in memory of my father, is a welcoming comfort this time of year around his death anniversary (May 24), when the memory of companioning him through end-of-life is top-of-mind. I’ve created a few places to sit along the path, and find myself talking with my father about “now” topics, when I do sit.
I’m so grateful that he lived for (almost) five years after Margaret, my mom, passed away from Frontotemporal Degeneration in 2008. Though he couldn’t assist much with her direct care or care-mananagement, he was always available to listen, and to provide fun respite get-aways, when we didn’t talk at all about the terrible degenerative disease effects, but simply enjoyed time together. I really enjoyed these respite get-aways with him, when I experienced the acute-stress of companioning Margaret on pause, and lived life without worry – until the phone rang.
Thanks to Dr. Kenneth Doka, who keynoted the “Map Through the Maze” Alzheimer’s Association MA/NH Conference yesterday, for helping my perspective on my relationship with my father, when my mother was ill, and the after-her-illness grief-and-loss journey. Dr. Doka spoke about dementia caregivers creating a DLR list of support people. “Doers” help with specific tasks (i.e. bringing in the mail), “Listeners” offer time and open, non-judgmental ears, and “Respite-people” provide time-off, fun activities, during which the tough topics aren’t discussed.
Moving forward with a listening heart,
vision, inquiry, and action,
~ Mary